X Factor Live Blog – September 21, 2011 U.S. Premiere
The X Factor kicks off tonight with audition footage, and an introduction to the process of the show. It’s almost time for the moment we’ve all be waiting for! Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, L.A. Reid, and Nicole Scherzinger are the official judges, and we’re about to experience an all-new talent competition! Stay with me while I live blog the whole durn thing.
Two hours – here we go. We get a montage of audition cities and screaming, yelling, arm-waving wanna-bes. Everything speeds up, and we get rock-star intros of each judge.
Wait, so Cheryl Cole IS a judge? I’m already confused.
Some dude is the host – Steve Jones? He’s Welsh.
Now Steve’s telling us about the judges. We know about Simon Cowell. Who “walked away from the #1 show in America” to do this. L.A. Reid walked away from his big job. In the L.A. Auditions, Cheryl Cole was a judge – she’s replaced later, I guess. Then we have Paula Abdul – who didn’t hiccup once during her little introduction.
The judges will mentor one category each, and choose which contestants to take into the live round. It’s pretty much American Idol + The Voice + a huge live crowd, and we’re off to the Los Angeles auditions.
The first victim,er, contestant is a 13-year-old named Rachel Crow, and she’s as cute as a button. This audition is the most important thing she’s ever done in her life. Did I mention she’s 13? She’s, like, so excited to be there. Simon asks her what she’d do with the $5 million dollars. Rachel responds that her family is broke – 6 people living in a 2-bedroom house.
She’s going to sing “Mercy” like lots and LOTS of people do for every singing show pretty much ever. She’s pretty good for a 13-year-old. She has LOTS of confidence, too, which doesn’t hurt.
Paula says that Rachel delivered the goods with personality and her voice. Cheryl said that Rachel had her before she even sang. Cheryl thinks she’s a star. L.A. Reid said she has “everything” and he loved it. Simon says that they spent a long time deciding how low to put the age limit, and that she’s the reason they did it. He says for us to remember her name, because we’ll be hearing about her. All four judges say yes, and she’s put into the kiddie group.
Slo-mo montage of amazed and exited family. On to the next, after these messages from our sponsors. Wait, not OUR sponsors. You know what I mean.
Um, Adam Sandler is FINALLY paying more than one part in a movie, Guys.
We’re back. It’s 20 minutes into the show (the Hubs points out) and we’ve seen one contestant. Now we have the second, Terrell Carter.
He made it through.
So did Ellona Santiago.
So did John Lindahl.
A LOT of them are really young.
Surely it’s time for someone who sucks. We have 30-year-old “Siameze” who says girls are “way easy to get” and that when he’s a mega star he’ll have his own energy drink, called “Simenergy.” He’d invest the $5 million in his career. Let’s see how he is. Siameze Floyd. Dances like a pretty. Little. Flower. He’s on the wrong show! He needs to be on a dancing show. For spazzes.
Cheryl has the most adorable accent ever. L.A. says no, he’s not original enough. Cheryl says yes. Paula says yes. Simon says that Siameze is deluded, but he’s going to say yes anyway. L.A. looks pissed. I’m, frankly, astounded. What kind of show are we watching here? This guy is nuts.
Still in Los Angeles, Day 2, and they’re showing us how many people showed up. It’s a lot. Steve Jones has a pretty awesome accent, too.
Ooh! First backstory. Dan and Venita met at the Gunfighters Club, and they want to get a recording contract. There is no age cap on The X Factor, and Dan is in his 70′s, Venita in her 80′s. Dan’s annoyed at the $5 hot dogs. If they won the $5 million dollars, and Venita wants to travel around in their travel home and play all the senior centers. I want, so bad, for them to be good.
They weren’t. They’re adorable, but if they get through I’m stopping this post right now.
They didn’t make it. I’m sad and relieved at the same time.
“You Only Live Once” did some screamo. Upset now.
Linda, aka “Jetta” did an unspeakable version of “I Touch Myself.” I’m tired now.
Some blonde with a headset was told no, and had an attitude about it. I was busy trying to make sure Cait’s not mad at me, so she can add her acerbic wit and flair to this website.
Blah, blah blah, everybody’s who’s anybody has done a Pepsi commercial. The winner of this show will do a Pepsi commercial.
This next girl wants to write on millions of babies. When you’re a pop icon, you write on lots of babies. Simone Battle is a 21-year-old girl who wants to be the next Tyra, Britney, and Beyonce rolled into one. Honeyworth would be the name of her first album, and she does “When I Grow Up” by the Pussycat Dolls.
Simon likes her, Cheryl likes her, L.A. was underwhelmed. Simon asks her to sing again, so she does something acapella. The crowd is happy. Simon asks L.A. again, and he doesn’t like her. She, she’s be working with L.A. He’s not buying it. Cheryl says yes, Simon says yes, and Paula says that Simone is fierce, and that being “smart, witty, and current” will set her apart.
I think I’m going to agree with L.A. more than I do with Simon. Interesting.
There is going to be a rivalry between L.A. and Simon. It’s going to get stupid. Montage. Charlie Cruzer with long arms. Slurping noises.
Aaannnd, we’re back. Montage of people dreaming their big ol’ dreams.
Stacy Francis is a 42-year-old single mom of 2 who sings in the bathroom when her kids are asleep. She had an abusive relationship that made her lose faith in herself. She wants to grow forward for her kids. I hope she doesn’t suck. She’s doing Aretha. God speed.
She’s got chops. Let’s see what the judges say. I kinda love her. L.A. says that everything he does musically is about having his spirit stir and having the hair on his arms raise. He says she’s got what it takes. Paula says that opportunities like this come along once in a lifetime for someone as angelic as her. Cheryl says she was completely blown away. Simon says that he’s been doing this a long time, and that her audition was one of the best he’s seen in his whole life, and that he loves her.
They all say yes. And the crowd goes WILD.
Now we’re into the Seattle auditions. It’s hour 2, and I’m feeling optimistic that we might actually end up liking this show.
Blue velvet-clad Geo Godley did something, it was so bad. The song was bad, and then he totally showed his junk to the whole crowd. They let him go so far as to go ahead and pull his pants up and sing some more, but then he let his junk hang out again, and Paula exited the theater. L.A. asks “will she return?” like “the show just started, and maybe Paula’s gone.” Simon was not happy. Geo plays dumb, saying that he has other songs. Paula is about to throw up. Paula goes and throws up. L.A. uses a LOT of adjectives to describe the awfulness of Geo. Paula is still throwing up.
Marcus Canty is 20 years old, and has been singing his whole life. We get a lot about how much he is awesome, and then he might be having a heart attack, and then it’s time for commercial, including the Levi’s commercial that has Glenn Beck all riled up.
He chooses “I Wish” by Stevie Wonder. He’s 20 – and his 2 year window of not having to do anything with his life is up – and Mom says it’s his last chance. He’s got Paula and Cheryl dancing. Even the Hubs approves. He is pretty awesome.
L.A. Reid straight up tells this kid he’s the next Bobby Brown (in a good way). Cheryl says Marcus is what they’ve been waiting for. Paula says he “eliminates the room.” Simon usually tells people not to sing this song, but he really, really liked him. He compares Marcus to his idol, Usher. Simon says he’s one to watch.
It’s an unanimous, resounding yes.
Now Nicole has joined the judges, on her birthday. The whole crowd sang “Happy Birthday” to her. Then Simon did. They gave her a cake with Simon’s face on it. There is literally no explanation as to why Cheryl Cole left.
The Answer from Salt Lake City, UT, is a three-man musical group who are ready to quit their day jobs and make it as music stars. They had a message for Nicole – they do a crappy three part harmony “Happy Birthday” bit. Let’s hope they’re better. They do “Rolling in the Deep,” which is dangerous ground.
I wish there was a picture of them, because they’re kinda precious. And they do a mash up. With a song I don’t know. They made it through. Sorry. Lost in my thoughts.
Nici Collins has been singing forever. She wants to sell out stadiums and retire somewhere. It’s not good. She wants to do another song, after a terrible version of “Emotions” or whatever by Mariah Carey. Simon tells her she has a horrible voice. They all say “no” and she says “no” right back. She’s shocked and outraged.
T For Two do a Stevie Wonder medley, and Simon thinks they live in a field. Which is rude for him to think.
Darren Michaels is from Las Vegas, and his girl has invested over $100,000.00 in his chuckling, creepy voice. He takes rejection well, however.
The Sonnets are a huge group of girls who can’t sing, but they do it together.
Nici is still hanging around, saying that Simon is the meanest judge, and that she is going to post something on YouTube RIGHT NOW. Let’s see if she did. Of course it’s not on YouTube. They have lawyers for that.
The Seattle auditions continue, and several people make it through. The next person they show us is Chris Rene, whose job it is to haul trash. He has a two and a half year old boy, and he wants to be on stage singing and making money. He has a manager, (probably his cousin), and I am hoping that this 28-year-old is good, because hauling trash must suck. He also just got out of rehab. His life was great growing up. When he was 12 or 13 he starting smoking weed, then he started drinking, then he started doing cocaine and methamphetamines. He’s been clean 70 days, and he’s singing an original song called “Young Homie.” I have a bad feeling about this.
I kinda love him. He also gets a standing O and a chest-fist-pound-i-love-you-man thing from L.A. Nicole loves him. She, like, can’t even describe his talent. He has the X Factor. Paula says he is a bright light, and that words can’t articulate it. L.A. tells him he is the truth (after he drops a lot of names), and Simon says that his favorite feeling is when he sits in that chair and meets a star for the first time. He says that Chris might need the show, but they need him. Paula says yes. L.A. says he’s going to say yes and that Chris had better stay straight. Simon reiterates that – if Chris is going to go through, he has to stay off drugs. Nicole says yes. Let’s hope this hopeful stays clean and wins this whole damn thing.
Until tomorrow, lovelies, when we find out about people who can sing, and people who can’t.
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15 Responses to “X Factor Live Blog – September 21, 2011 U.S. Premiere”
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The X Factor Contestants – Voted Off X Factor
I saw Paula on David Letterman last night & she said Simon & The LA guy had “issues”.
Well, I think that is what she said…I really can’t follow her train of thought most times.
Who can? Lol.
People showing their Junk, vomiting, and heart attacks…sounds like a real party!
Hey guys, just getting home and tuning in! Have I missed anything epic so far?
@Jebb – Sheryl did a pretty good job of summing it up.
junk and vomiting, for sure.
Why do these guys spell “Answer” wrong? Not bad, but that would make me push the button that makes them get eaten by lions for sure.
oh i missed it! how did they spell it? and HA!
“Anser” or something like that. This show needs Seacrest.
it totally does need Seacrest. Jones isn’t cutting it. And I liked Cheryl Cole better than Nicole Whatsername.
Ok you have the west coast primed for the show now, thanks/ Problem is I have a meeting with a new project right when it starts. Ooh well I hope they don’t need my undivided attention
Jeb why are you picking on my spelling? That is so totally me.
I just like things to be spelled correctly, that’s all.
I’m perturbed about these judges drinking Pepsi. Such fickle judges, only drinking what they’re paid to drink. We all know what Paula really drinks–Grey Goose!
I have this to say: being clean only 70 days…if he won all that money, I just don’t see that ending happily. #amywinehouse
Thanks for commenting, yous guys. Jessica, you made me laugh out loud and that’s hard to do – I’m sick and grumpy. Hope the post doesn’t read that way.
Great job Liz!!!!!!!!!!